Greetings gamers, welcome back to The Game Cave. Today, I'll be reviewing The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion, as well as its expansion packs. Yes, it did in fact take me this long to get around to posting about this game because there's SO. MUCH. CRAP. TO DO. I'm not kidding you, I'm still not done with every quest the game has to offer. I may never be done. So, I'll run through the main story line and the expansions.
First off: Character creation. You have 10 default races to choose from: Imperial, Khajiit, Argonian, High Elf, Dark Elf, Wood Elf, Breton, Nord, Orc, and Redguard. Each one has their own features and attributes. Furthermore, the Khajiit are cat-people, and the Argonians are lizard-people. From here, you can pick gender facial features, facial shape, cheek size, nose size, eye positions, eye color, age... The list goes on and on and ON. This is some of the most extensive character creation systems you will EVER see. Period.
After you've created your character, you epically and triumphantly get dropped into... jail. WHAT. Jail?! Why am I even here?! Oh and by the way, that question never gets answered. I suppose they leave that up to the player. I like to imagine that I'm in jail for outdoing Ozzy in a bat-eating contest and he got angry at me because I won and claimed that Batman didn't count and he got me thrown in prison for murdering a pop-culture icon. Anyway, you're immediately berated by a Dark Elf in the cell across from yours. After a few moments of incessant insultation, you hear voices in the stairwell. A couple of guards and a guy who looks like he just came from a Renaissance faire come down the stairs. You quickly find out that you're in the wrong cell. The wrong cell? What kind of bullcrap is that? A cell is a cell! So, the Ren faire guy walks over to you and starts spewing this stuff about gods and destiny. Apparently, he's the king, your crime was of no significance, and you're destined to save Tamriel in some way. Yeah, entrust the fate of the entire continent to a convict, that seems safe. Anyway, the king gets killed, gives you a magic necklace called the Amulet of Kings and tells you to “close shut the jaws of Oblivion.” Your character then embarks on a quest to save the land from the hellhole that is Oblivion.
Ok, my first issue with the game (not that there are many): The main quest is just too bloody short! I got it done in about two to three hours. That's barely long at all. I would've liked to have seen more battles, some sort of lengthier story, or at least
(spoiler alert) a quest to run around shutting the remaining Oblivion gates. But no, you save the land, la de da, end of story. Bottom line: The main quest is too short.
Time for a positive: The absolutely ASTRONOMICAL amount of side quests available to accomplish. There are faction quests for four different factions (the Fighters Guild, the Mages Guild, the Dark Brotherhood, and the Thieve's Guild), there's a treasure trove of quests you can stumble upon from random people throughout the land, and (if you own the PC version) absolutely NO shortage of UGC (user-generated content). And there are two expansion packs to the game that add new quests: Knights of the Nine and The Shivering Isles.
Speaking of Knights of the Nine, let's take a look at that expansion. KotN adds an entirely new quest line in which your character sets out to rebuild an ancient group called (you guessed it) The Knights of the Nine. Your reason for rebuilding this ancient and forgotten guild? The world is now threatened by the re-emergence of the Knights' old foe, Umaril. He aims to destroy Tamriel, and only you (for whatever reason YOU'RE chosen, of all people) can stop him. You face ghosts of the past, monsters, and a time-wasting, buttocks-kicking, pain-in-the-a** pilgrimage, among many other obstacles. (Spoiler alert) Ultimately, when you complete this story line, you are granted the armor and weapons of the Crusader, equipment so God-awfully overpowered, that you would think you were bloody Chuck Norris in knight armor. I'm not joking, this armor renders the power attack worthless. Give somebody a paper cut, and their body takes to the skies in a cloud of fire and smoke. It's insanity. In addition to the Knights quest line, this expansion adds three new player homes and armor you can buy for your horses. The horse armor, however, serves absolutely NO purpose. Players are expected to pay gold out the a** to the vendor for this armor because it wooks pwetty. I don't really care, I own the PC version, and I downloaded a mod that lets me fly a bloody dragon across the lands of Tamriel. Beat that, you four-legged, landlocked mammals.
As for Shivering Isles, this expansion was a very curious add-on. It allows your character to embark on a quest to save a plane of Oblivion from destruction. This plane is the realm of Sheogorath, the Prince of Madness. “The Prince of Madness?” you say. Yes, the Prince of Madness. This guy is so pants-on-head insane, you'd think you were talking to a brick wall with down syndrome. Let me just put a little disclaimer up here: No I don't hate the mentally handicapped, you butt-wipes. One of my friends is mentally handicapped, so I don't want to receive any hate-mail about how I despise the mentally retarded. But in all seriousness, Sheogorath deserves a straight jacket, a padded room, and a bolted door locked with another straight jacket. He's THAT insane. And he's HILARIOUS. He is by FAR my favorite character in ALL of Oblivion. I mean seriously, he tells you to come again or he'll pluck out your eyeballs. How is that not awesome? Well anyway, his realm is in need of a champion because the Greymarch is coming. Apparently, the Greymarch is 20/12 for his realm. The entire realm is destroyed, everybody is killed, and he has to rebuild it all over again. The Realm of Sheogorath is perhaps the most entertaining place in all of Oblivion. In addition to the main quest of the expansions, it adds in some Shivering-Isles-unique side quests, and man are they hilarious. I mean, one guy asks you to find him a fork! It's like, “What. What is this, I don't even...” They're so funny.
So, this wraps up Oblivion and its expansions. Aside from a ridiculously short main quest, it's an excellent game that I have replayed again and again. And again. It rightfully deserves a 10/10. And make sure to keep an eye out for The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim, hitting shelves on 11/11/11. I'm psyched for it, and so should you. So do it! Get psyched! NOW!
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